


(Un)Pleasant Dreams

by Rhymepod195



Series: AkuSai on Main [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, also mind control cause THANKS XEHANORT YOU OLD BASTARD, also this is that Comforting Shit, also vague mentions of blood, post-KH3 btw, the last two character are just mentioned tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 00:25:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhymepod195/pseuds/Rhymepod195
Summary: Sometimes Isa still has nightmares about things he did as Saix.





	(Un)Pleasant Dreams

He didn’t dream a lot as Saïx, being a Nobody did that to you. So, it was a little weird re-adjusting to dreaming as often as he did, but it also meant that he also had not-so-pleasant dreams.

 

_He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel emotions. His heart was hollow, filled with nothing but darkness, but there was also_ **_Rage_ ** _. No memories, nothing but the rage stemming from the darkness that filled his head and heart, muscles moving of their own accord, a passenger in his own body._  
_Axel, a Nobody, with a keyblade, a walking paradox, but also a familiar face. An itch at the back of his head, memories fighting through the dark haze but only fuelling his rage. Axel, Axel, Axel, a traitor to their cause, to the organization, to Xemnas and everything they stood for._  
He raised his claymore, a cold stare on his face as he brought it down on Axel, a haze of red encompassing his vision-

 

He woke with a start, skin covered in cold sweat, breath shaky and rapid, unable to fill his lungs, shoulders shaking and vision becoming blurring. He hurt Lea, he couldn’t fight to protect the man he loved, his own soul shoved so far back into his subconscious he was barely aware of what he did in the moment--

A sob wracked his body, clutching his head, squeezing his eyes shut and tears rolling down his cheeks as if that would make the memories go away.

 

“Isa?”, Lea’s voice cut through the static, a warm hand on his shoulder, an arm wrapped around his back, a soothing motion against his skin.

His eyes fluttered open, vision still blurry as he looked at Lea, and all he could see was all the harm he had done. The scar where he had stabbed him in the torso, where he had cut his arm in rage, all the burn scars along his body. He couldn’t talk, couldn’t even _breathe_ , all he could was cry and he felt helpless.

“It’s alright, let it out…”, Lea said, easing his hands from clutching at his head, gentle in every movement he did as he pulled him into a hug. “It’s alright… Take your time, I’m here…”

He knew Lea was right, it _was_ alright, but he had hurt him so many times. So many times he should have stilled his hand, should have kept himself in check, but that haze that had followed his years as a Nobody had always gotten the better of him.

Another sob wracked his body, fingers digging into Lea’s arms, nails leaving crescent moon-shaped marks on Lea’s skin, shoulders still shaking, face buried in the side of Lea’s neck.

 

“How could you forgive me?”, he choked out, eyebrows furrowed and head hurting from how many tears were streaming down his face. “How many times have I hurt you? _Allowed_ for someone else to hurt you?”, he clenched his jaw, just barely gasping for breath as he leaned back, his vision merely specs of colour, a halo of red hair surrounding fair skin and green eyes.  
“You weren’t yourself back then, you weren’t _Isa_. I can’t blame you for things beyond your control.”, he tried to comfort Isa, wanted so hard to just chase those demons away, to keep him safe from all the hurt that being Saïx did to him.

“I could have _tried!_ I should have, and I didn’t! And all this…”, he placed a hand over the large scar on his torso where he had stabbed him, stomach twisting into nausea at the memory. “It’s because of me.”

Lea sighed softly, sadness on his face at seeing for just how much Isa blamed himself for, how much guilt he still carried on his shoulders. “Hey, listen to me, alright? Xehanort did that to you. You did _nothing_ wrong.”, he said, cupping his cheeks so that he couldn’t turn his head away to try and deny what he said. “You did the best you could in the situation.”  
“I _hurt_ you--”, Isa tried to object, wanted to deny his own innocence, to push the guilt onto himself, after all the memories were so vivid it _had_ to be his own doing, right?  
“And that was in the past. Neither of us are those people anymore. Got it memorised?”, he tapped Isa’s forehead, causing the blue-haired man to blink in mild surprise.

 

_Got it memorised?_ A phrase he said so often, even when they were children, and it brought back so many memories. Good, bad, everything in-between. It reminded him that no matter what, they were _together._

 

“... I got it memorised.”, he sighed, leaning his forehead against Lea’s, hand still resting on the stab scar on Lea’s torso, but the other one moved to cup Lea’s jaw, fingers carding through the short red hair at the back of his neck. He leaned his head into the warm hand cupping his cheek, letting Lea wipe the tears from his cheeks, letting himself welcome to kiss to his forehead.

“Good. I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know. I love you too.”, that brought a smile to Lea’s lips, pulling Isa into another hug until the last shivers and tears finally left his body, and he allowed himself to be laid back down, though Lea’s arms stayed around his boyfriend.

 

His sleep wasn’t restless, but it wasn’t as bad as the nightmare he had just lived through, and Lea’s arms around him definitely helped.


End file.
